Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
