why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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