Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
