you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
