I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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