I feel like I'm in dance class right now
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
