I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
