I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
