My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
