Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
