need another drink. this is the easiest way
He uses pillows to masturbate.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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