I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
