How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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