My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
