We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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