Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
