I wish i was in the wii world.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Come on in and take your pants off
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