im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
