ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
