She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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