Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
