i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
