Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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