You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
