Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
