at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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