All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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