best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
