My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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