Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
