Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
