she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
