I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
