i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Its about making memories worth repressing
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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