ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
