do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
