thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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