Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
