Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just blew my weed a kiss
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
