They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
