we have officially lost it.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
