Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
