I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
