I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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