My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
