she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
