Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
