I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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