last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
