just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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